Invasion of privacy..

The other evening I passed out while reading late in to the night.  I woke to put my book up, remove my eyeglasses and turn off the light but decided to use the restroom before settling in to slumber.  Since I had already tortured my honey with my bedside lamp I didn't want to wake him with the sound of water running in our bathroom so I shuffled down the hall to our guest bathroom.(we have loud pipes).

So there I was, mostly trying to balance at an upright sitting position for a few seconds trying not to doze off when the corner of my eye caught movement under the door.  I clenched my jaw in reflex and prepared to suppress a scream (when I was young I saw a woman scream at the site of a bug/bee that ended up flying in to her mouth and I was scared into learning to react in a different way). I assumed a Texas-sized bug/roach that sometimes infiltrate was about to shamelessly intrude on a private moment, but turning my head enough for my eye to focus thru my glasses I identified what had poked thru. 

It was a little gecko who appeared to duck in long enough to notice it was "occupied" and then stepped back.  I was relieved!  Lizards and geckos don't scare me, unless you expect me to touch them.  I am not completely "down with reptiles", but they (lizards & geckos) are the only acceptable company of the critter kind.

The mild scare woke me up enough to focus in to getting quickly to bed so after I washed my hands I prepared to face Mr. Gecko again.  He was patiently waiting for his turn at the bathroom. As soon as I opened the door and stepped out, he stepped forward. "Don't forget to flush" I said as I turned off the light and shuffled back to bed.

One of many who hang out on our porch

The whole invasion of privacy has had me thinking back to a time when I caught an ex-boyfriend reading thru one of my journals. I kind of had a similar reaction.  I clenched my jaw and suppressed a scream.  It wasn't only that he had crossed the line, but because the last few days of entries in the journal were my internal conflict of investing in a relationship that wasn't working for me.  Fortunately his snooping just made it easier. Unfortunately that violation made me stop writing for a few years until my husband encouraged me to blog..

Hmm..  I can't say that I ever had that problem (of invasion of privacy) with my honey.  Perhaps it's because I have never hidden anything from him and have been my true self around him. Also before we officially lived together I mentioned something to the effect of "you may find something you don't like".  I was totally honest of who I was/am from the very beginning.  If he did snoop or stumbled in to something he didn't like, well, I wasn't going to pretend anything so we might have a discussion and weight our options.

Anyways, I have no problem with my husband getting in to my purse like most women do.  His only reason is to dig out or to throw in my cell phone (which I can never find or remember where I've left it).  There is the occasional "Honey do you have any cash on you?" that may have him looking thru my wallet depending on my response.  I don't have a "bad habit" I am trying to hide like smoking cigarettes, or a bank account he doesn't know about. (We have a joint account and both have kept our separate accounts.)

The thing we both have always respected is our time in the bathroom.  You won't catch either one forgetting to close the door and we ALWAYS knock and WAIT if the door is shut!  I was told by friends who married long before me that once you have kids you loose all shame.  Ahhmm.????  I just can't see it happening! I can see how it would be ok to have your child present (to keep an eye on THEM), but not a spouse! So far that is ONE if not the only thing I hope we never get comfortable with; unless there is a medical problem or something in our future!

I am also happy my husband gives me the freedom to share as much as I want to and won't press me for information.  For example, one of my dear friends has been going thru a few difficult months.  I have spent the better part of  (a few) entire days at her side helping however I could, but my husband never once tried to get details when I returned home.  I offered some vague information because he cares for her as well and showed concern, but specifics are my friend's privacy.

It's been three years of marriage.  And  I am glad his encouragement to write/blog has helped me keep clear in mind the past and the present.  How my entries sometimes shed light in to things he thought he fully understood.  No prying, allowing me space and a different way to know me better.  There is a difference between what you allow your mate to know and what you allow the world to  know!  When both are so "black & white" and accessible there is a different level of KNOWING (your mate).

It is very strange to have privacy lead to "full disclosure."