I heard it on the news this week. A new study says one out of four relationships is now started online. My honey and I met online five years ago this month. These days online dating isn't so strange. Five years back it was still a bit awkward admitting it to folks who would ask how we met.
Well, my story is that after you reach a certain age and you have never been married... After you've dated everyone who is "dating material" that your friends know, or your family knows.. (I still convulse & regret agreeing to let my MOTHER set me up with one of her co-workers). After you've outgrown the bar scene, learned the hard way not to date in the work place or out of the pool of your sports league/hobby/gym (Yikes.. now you have to find a new league, gym or hobby!!!) there are few places to meet singles wanting to meet singles! Church (in my age range they were there for redemption or to find a baby momma for their kids) , work related organizations (I only dated one accountant in my life and he was cheap and boring!), a chance meeting (that relies on the cosmos aligning properly!),
My best friend helped me get over that initial shame I felt by telling me I should use all the "tools" available to me. Hmm.. tools! Well, I figured that if in the old days people used a match-maker why not try the new high-tech version of it?
I must confess that I did not meet my husband right away. I dated a good number of men, even had a couple of short-lived relationships. What I can honestly say is that I dated men better suited for me online. I got to "pick their brains" for a while before agreeing to meet. The men who were looking for a relationship answered my questions with detail and true conviction. The ones that were looking to hook up had little patience for me. After a couple of questions that perhaps were too hard for them to answer they moved on!
Online I was not distracted by looks and was able to "lay on the table" my deal breakers. Without the temptation to overlook things because someone so attractive couldn't possibly be chauvinist, racist, homophobic, a mama's boy, self centered, pretty on the outside-hollow on the inside man I was also able to discard potentials easier.
My husband had a dark sense of humor that to me felt like HOME!! His writing showed wit, intellect and charm when answering random questions. So when we set up a date and met for coffee I was pretty confident we could at least enjoy 30 minutes without pain.
That was my M.O. Coffee dates at practically every Starbucks in town. If there was no potential either party lost only a few minutes and maybe the cost of coffee! By the way, coffee is never a waste of money and dating introduced me to a couple of exceptional non-chain coffee houses. If the date went well, coffee extended to lunch or dinner or another date later in the week.
I was as safe as I possibly could. I always drove myself and MET my dates. I always ran a few errands after so I would not drive directly back home. I informed my two best friends of the details: who I was meeting, what contact information I had for them, and where we were meeting. I checked in with them immediately after my dates!
I always informed my dates before hand I was (am) a martial artist and my family is in law enforcement just in case they had any ideas. Of course that would not stop a true predator, but it would discourage a few weirdos!
Now I have been married for a couple of years and my two best friends are back in the dating pool. I worry about them, especially the one who was married for almost her entire adult life! Dating in your late thirties and forties is definitely different than dating at 18 & 19.
I would encourage anyone who is single to try online dating. Be brutally honest with yourself and what you are looking for! Put it out there! Brace yourselves for people who lie on their profiles. I have some priceless stories about dating in general that will take me to my grave laughing!
Do your research before you sign up to any one site. Ask around, take advantage of free trial periods because you'll get a good idea if it's just an online meat market or an honest attempt to bring compatible people together. Dish out the extra money and buy a few months to save on the discounts for multiple months. In the long run, even if you meet the perfect match the week you sign up they will probably be worth the cost of a few months subscription! ;-)
Wedding Photos
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
Not quite Harakiri...
When I met my husband he was attending law school in San Antonio (TX ) and was alone in the city. His brother who lives about 3 hours away was his emergency contact. Shortly after my honey and I realized our relationship wasn't a casual one I asked him to please give his brother my phone number in case of an emergency.
I was fearful that if something happened to my honey I would be oblivious of it and more that he would end up in a hospital alone. As soon as we moved in together I insisted he add me to his "in case of emergency" list. Thankfully we've been emergency free!
This weekend my husband attended a convention here in town and ended up with a self inflicted wound. It was a freak accident and luckily my brother-in-law who is in the medical field was there to tend to my husband. I stopped by the convention to drop off lunch for the guys (my husband and brother-in-law) and when asked where his brother was my husband answered that he had gone over to the CVS (pharmacy) down the street. I didn't think twice about it. The pharmacy being a close "convenience" store he could have easily gone over to buy gum!
As I looked around at the gathering of people recognizing a few faces I realized my husband, whose internal clock rings the loudest for LUNCH, wasn't pouncing on the food I had brought him. I noticed him awkwardly standing on a corner of the room away from the activities and holding his wrist in his other hand. Very odd! I asked if he wasn't hungry since I didn't see him trying to inhale his lunch (like I would expect) but he said he would wait for his brother.
Some time went by and my brother-in-law wasn't back so I suggested to my husband that he eat his lunch before it got cold. Again he insisted he would wait for his brother. It was then that he mentioned he had cut himself and his brother had gone to the pharmacy to pickup some first aid supplies. I asked what happened, and he briefly filled me in. I motioned for him to let me take a look at his wound and with hesitation he did. It didn't look bad. Having had stitches many times in my life, I didn't think it was a big deal.
At that moment my brother-in-law arrived with a large bag full of supplies. He took over and for what to me looked like a one inch scratch he was going overboard with the tending of the wound. My husband got patched up short of a sling for his hand (in my opinion) but I figured my brother-in-law had been thorough!
I left after lunch and it wasn't until I was back at home with a friend who had witnessed the incident and gave me specific details that I understood it had been more serious. Then my husband arrived back home and told me the entire story of how he had accidentally STABBED himself and had seen about half an inch if not more of a blade disappear in to his wrist that I realized the seriousness of the accident.
After I showed my sympathy for the accident and his discomfort I did what is logical for me to do. I threaten him with bodily harm if in the future he again didn't call to tell me about an injury. I know he isn't a child, but he IS MINE! My husband, my spouse, my companion, my Love, mine, Mine, MINE! I didn't wait around for true love to come around so late for me to have it short-lived. I know I may sound insane or too possessive, but I value the man that I married and want to be with him in all the important ways a mate should be.
I don't freak out over every injury! I have a nice collection of stitches acquired thru my childhood that make me very tolerant of most anything requiring a dozen or less sutures, but the playing it down and keeping it from me will get him hurt!
Sometimes things are not addressed in a relationship until they happen, and I think it best to be crystal clear of what is expected from each other. I know I can exaggerate and go to extremes to get my point across of the importance of things. but like my honey always says.. "I know you can hurt me but first you have to catch me!"
I was fearful that if something happened to my honey I would be oblivious of it and more that he would end up in a hospital alone. As soon as we moved in together I insisted he add me to his "in case of emergency" list. Thankfully we've been emergency free!
This weekend my husband attended a convention here in town and ended up with a self inflicted wound. It was a freak accident and luckily my brother-in-law who is in the medical field was there to tend to my husband. I stopped by the convention to drop off lunch for the guys (my husband and brother-in-law) and when asked where his brother was my husband answered that he had gone over to the CVS (pharmacy) down the street. I didn't think twice about it. The pharmacy being a close "convenience" store he could have easily gone over to buy gum!
As I looked around at the gathering of people recognizing a few faces I realized my husband, whose internal clock rings the loudest for LUNCH, wasn't pouncing on the food I had brought him. I noticed him awkwardly standing on a corner of the room away from the activities and holding his wrist in his other hand. Very odd! I asked if he wasn't hungry since I didn't see him trying to inhale his lunch (like I would expect) but he said he would wait for his brother.
Some time went by and my brother-in-law wasn't back so I suggested to my husband that he eat his lunch before it got cold. Again he insisted he would wait for his brother. It was then that he mentioned he had cut himself and his brother had gone to the pharmacy to pickup some first aid supplies. I asked what happened, and he briefly filled me in. I motioned for him to let me take a look at his wound and with hesitation he did. It didn't look bad. Having had stitches many times in my life, I didn't think it was a big deal.
At that moment my brother-in-law arrived with a large bag full of supplies. He took over and for what to me looked like a one inch scratch he was going overboard with the tending of the wound. My husband got patched up short of a sling for his hand (in my opinion) but I figured my brother-in-law had been thorough!
I left after lunch and it wasn't until I was back at home with a friend who had witnessed the incident and gave me specific details that I understood it had been more serious. Then my husband arrived back home and told me the entire story of how he had accidentally STABBED himself and had seen about half an inch if not more of a blade disappear in to his wrist that I realized the seriousness of the accident.
After I showed my sympathy for the accident and his discomfort I did what is logical for me to do. I threaten him with bodily harm if in the future he again didn't call to tell me about an injury. I know he isn't a child, but he IS MINE! My husband, my spouse, my companion, my Love, mine, Mine, MINE! I didn't wait around for true love to come around so late for me to have it short-lived. I know I may sound insane or too possessive, but I value the man that I married and want to be with him in all the important ways a mate should be.
I don't freak out over every injury! I have a nice collection of stitches acquired thru my childhood that make me very tolerant of most anything requiring a dozen or less sutures, but the playing it down and keeping it from me will get him hurt!
Sometimes things are not addressed in a relationship until they happen, and I think it best to be crystal clear of what is expected from each other. I know I can exaggerate and go to extremes to get my point across of the importance of things. but like my honey always says.. "I know you can hurt me but first you have to catch me!"
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Rings of power..
One of the most meaningfull gifts we received when we wed was my parents' wedding rings. My mother approached my honey before our wedding and told him she wanted to pass on a family heirloom to us. She offered us the matching wedding bands my parents wore for 10 years of marriage.
My husband was touched and replied it would be an honor to wear them. Needless to say my mother was pleased. As for me, I was in tears! You see.. my father passed on shortly after they celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary.
When my brother was about to marry, my mother confided that she wanted to pass on a set of rings to my brother. He was the first to marry out of her three children and it was then that my mother expressed her wish to have one of her children wear the rings. I don't know the reasons why exactly my brother didn't get them. I believe it has to do with him wearing a much larger size and having the design get lost if enlarged. I think also my sister in law wanted to wear the traditional engagement ring and matching band that is more common.
When my little sister got married (also before me) my mom passed on the set of rings to her. The rings fit my sister and brother-in-law perfectly! My sister had found love first and the set of rings was going to her.
When my mother offered us her first set, I was taken aback. I had no idea that the set of rings my mom had passed on to my sister was a second set. To celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary, my father had a fancy set of bands made in Oaxaca, Mexico. The bands are a beautiful orange tint gold and clearly reflect the more prosperous years of their marriage. Their more modest set was put away!
As a child I have no recollection of my parents' wedding bands; however I do remember that my mother wore her ring (from the second set) for years after my father's death.
My mother hopes that their first set of rings brings me and my honey as much happiness as it did them (my parents) and wearing my band fills me with deep emotion! Our wedding bands are quite worn and the design is a bit faded. Inside the bands are engraved my parent's initials. I have wanted to engrave our (my husband's and mine) nicknames for each other but it always happens that priority is always for the things we need to do over the things we want to do! I hope to get around to it soon.
Ok, so that is the heart felt story on my parents wedding bands. The more "our story" on OUR wedding bands is..
The common wedding rings couples wear are the single band for the men and the engagement ring with matching band for the ladies. Our wedding bands (we inherited) are exactly a like, and marring a goofy person such as myself would not surprise you to know we have fun with them.
Who all remembers watching the Super Friends (and the Justice League) cartoons with the Wonder Twins?? Yep! That is our thing! Every so often my husband will voice "Wonder Twin Power, Activate!" and reaches for me to meet rings, and I DO IT! It tickles me that at his forty something he is still playful and can make me smile like he does. Our marriage feels like one big adventure and this silly action reminds me we are in it together!
My husband was touched and replied it would be an honor to wear them. Needless to say my mother was pleased. As for me, I was in tears! You see.. my father passed on shortly after they celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary.
When my brother was about to marry, my mother confided that she wanted to pass on a set of rings to my brother. He was the first to marry out of her three children and it was then that my mother expressed her wish to have one of her children wear the rings. I don't know the reasons why exactly my brother didn't get them. I believe it has to do with him wearing a much larger size and having the design get lost if enlarged. I think also my sister in law wanted to wear the traditional engagement ring and matching band that is more common.
When my little sister got married (also before me) my mom passed on the set of rings to her. The rings fit my sister and brother-in-law perfectly! My sister had found love first and the set of rings was going to her.
When my mother offered us her first set, I was taken aback. I had no idea that the set of rings my mom had passed on to my sister was a second set. To celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary, my father had a fancy set of bands made in Oaxaca, Mexico. The bands are a beautiful orange tint gold and clearly reflect the more prosperous years of their marriage. Their more modest set was put away!
As a child I have no recollection of my parents' wedding bands; however I do remember that my mother wore her ring (from the second set) for years after my father's death.
My mother hopes that their first set of rings brings me and my honey as much happiness as it did them (my parents) and wearing my band fills me with deep emotion! Our wedding bands are quite worn and the design is a bit faded. Inside the bands are engraved my parent's initials. I have wanted to engrave our (my husband's and mine) nicknames for each other but it always happens that priority is always for the things we need to do over the things we want to do! I hope to get around to it soon.
Ok, so that is the heart felt story on my parents wedding bands. The more "our story" on OUR wedding bands is..
The common wedding rings couples wear are the single band for the men and the engagement ring with matching band for the ladies. Our wedding bands (we inherited) are exactly a like, and marring a goofy person such as myself would not surprise you to know we have fun with them.
Who all remembers watching the Super Friends (and the Justice League) cartoons with the Wonder Twins?? Yep! That is our thing! Every so often my husband will voice "Wonder Twin Power, Activate!" and reaches for me to meet rings, and I DO IT! It tickles me that at his forty something he is still playful and can make me smile like he does. Our marriage feels like one big adventure and this silly action reminds me we are in it together!
Monday, August 13, 2012
Not the usual wedding season..
I have heard many women say that the ideal month to have your wedding is June. That thought confuses me because the last thing I want to do in June is get dressed up and attend a wedding. I believe Summer is the worst time to have a wedding if you live in the normally warmer states.
We married in October. We chose the month based on the least amount of time needed to organize a relatively small wedding: we chose in March so 6 months to prepare was cutting it close without rushing. The fact that any guest that might have to travel by car to attend our wedding wouldn't get stuck to their seats in the scorching months in Texas was a something we thought would be the very least we could do for our guests.
We attended a family wedding this weekend; the only wedding invitation we've had this Summer. Thank goodness! I was not looking forward to the dressing up part, but I was looking forward to seeing the extended family.
This was my husband's second exposure to extended family. I didn't quite want to scare him but I believe it was interesting and a bit flattering to him. Interesting because of my very large family. The bride is my "cousin" (child to my mom's first cousin). I never know how that "once or twice removed" thing works! I just know we are related!
Anyways, I think my husband was a bit flattered because after almost 3 years of marriage he is still a novelty/"new" to the family and some of my relatives (living in Mexico) had been looking forward to meeting him.
It was great to see everyone, but I know my husband is glad he isn't required to remember every ones name. Heck, I have a hard enough time remembering the right names and I confess to having introduced most family members as an aunt, uncle or cousin but NOT mentioning their first names. I had several "deer & headlight" moments.
Anyways the wedding was nice, but the venue though lovely was mostly "outdoors" and it was a hot Texas day! My cousin apologized sheepishly for the August wedding stating it wasn't the best for a wedding, but sure was great for a honeymoon. I agree, and despite the steamy weather I am happy we were there!
We married in October. We chose the month based on the least amount of time needed to organize a relatively small wedding: we chose in March so 6 months to prepare was cutting it close without rushing. The fact that any guest that might have to travel by car to attend our wedding wouldn't get stuck to their seats in the scorching months in Texas was a something we thought would be the very least we could do for our guests.
We attended a family wedding this weekend; the only wedding invitation we've had this Summer. Thank goodness! I was not looking forward to the dressing up part, but I was looking forward to seeing the extended family.
This was my husband's second exposure to extended family. I didn't quite want to scare him but I believe it was interesting and a bit flattering to him. Interesting because of my very large family. The bride is my "cousin" (child to my mom's first cousin). I never know how that "once or twice removed" thing works! I just know we are related!
Anyways, I think my husband was a bit flattered because after almost 3 years of marriage he is still a novelty/"new" to the family and some of my relatives (living in Mexico) had been looking forward to meeting him.
It was great to see everyone, but I know my husband is glad he isn't required to remember every ones name. Heck, I have a hard enough time remembering the right names and I confess to having introduced most family members as an aunt, uncle or cousin but NOT mentioning their first names. I had several "deer & headlight" moments.
Anyways the wedding was nice, but the venue though lovely was mostly "outdoors" and it was a hot Texas day! My cousin apologized sheepishly for the August wedding stating it wasn't the best for a wedding, but sure was great for a honeymoon. I agree, and despite the steamy weather I am happy we were there!
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