And for my next trick...

This year we have been so busy that the holiday creaped up on us before we knew it.  The honey was good enough to remember to buy candy earlier in the week and we both solemnly promised not to break in to any of the candy bags before Halloween night.  That means I needed to rush home from work before nightfall or there just may not be any candy left to give out to trick-o-treaters. 

We had no costume parties to go to this year so we have no costumes for tonight.  I did order something online for my honey, but it won't arrive on time.  I have been checking the tracking number hoping I would get lucky, but no such luck.... 

Last night there was one very strange thing.. I turned in to "Susie Homemaker" and baked some goodies to take to work this morning.  I have mentioned that I don't really bake and my arsenal of baking recipes is limited to only two items: Pumpkin Cheesecake and Rum Raisin Oatmeal Cookies. 

The cheesecake I baked earlier in the month for a co-worker's birthday and the cookies are traditionally reserved for Christmas parties, so I jumped on the FoodNetwork website and found a relatively easy recipe for Pumpkin Muffins, and "tah-dah". 

I don't know if my urge to bake came from a poltergeist or from a secret desire for praise for what little baking skills I possess.  Regardless we planned to kick back and enjoy the holiday by giving out candy sitting on our driveway and watching the parade of costumes followed by some old-school horror flicks like Halloween or Nightmare on Elm Street, or what ever we can stream on Netflix...

I wonder what are some other favorite horror flicks that entertain you still??  Here is hoping this night for ghosts and goblins brigs you smiles as well as fright!

Father may I...

One of the things it took me the longest to get used to in my marriage; actually long before we were married (when we moved in together), was making plans that did not involve my honey.

You know, when your friends (single or married) want to get together?  When your co-workers want to go for drinks after work? When someone mentions concert, road trip or vacation? Before my honey I had a perfect statement that I spewed with pride.  "No kids, no pets, no attachments!"  Meaning, I didn't have to run and pick up a child at day care.  I didn't have a pet to run home and take for a walk or feed.   I didn't have to consult anyone/"attachment" about my outings, how late I stayed out, or justify dishing out money on expensive tickets, shoes, or haircuts!

Yeah, you know what I mean..  I could make a decision on the spot!  The only person I had to talk it over with was MYSELF: and hey, there was no guilt, no consulting, no explaining, no negotiating! 

At first I didn't know how to approach the subject.  I didn't want to ask permission!!  That is the honest truth.  After so many years governing myself I was afraid to loose my free will.  It was awkward, and I didn't want to feel like I was asking my parent "can I go out to play?"

Luckily my honey is a great husband, and I don't run around behaving like I am still single.  Girls night for ME its private time with my friends where we can gab without having husbands or kids listening. Usually it's dinner and drinks at someones home.  Or it may be going to watch an estrogen packed flick that I would never torture my husband to take me.  In all honesty, I haven't the slightest problem catching a movie by myself so I don't need him to take me anyways.

Because we both commute to work in opposite directions most often than not when we gather with coworkers for dinner or drinks we fly solo.  We make the effort to make an appearance every so often, but dealing with twice our daily 45 to 60 minute commute to accompany the other is something we both realize is a sacrifice. (Usually involves getting out of work early)

I am also lucky that neither one of us likes to feel "attached at the hip".  There are activities each enjoys that aren't the least bit interesting to the other; and neither keeps the other from enjoying them. Not that each lives a separate life.  We "GO OUT" together most of the time, but there is no pressure about it being an obligation though we each make it a point to be each others reliable "date".

I know women who can never hang out with their friends unless they drag along all their kids.  They won't exactly say that their husbands insist on it, but hey.. If they can't even make an appointment to have their hair done without an entourage (even when their husbands are sitting at home) then you tell me!

Well, I still have no kids and no pets, but I do have a husband! I do not ask him for permission but I do check in with him (as he does with me) if there would be any reason why I couldn't accept an invitation; for example if' I've forgotten we've made plans (I usually need to consult our kitchen calendar because I tend to forget what WE are doing) or just in case he isn't feeling well and would need some nursing or minor attention.

On the weekends I may drive in to "town" (San Antonio or Austin) to spend the afternoon with girlfriends or he may to run a hash or catch a game and both will return wanting to share what we were up to. There are no guilt trips coming from the other, well.. not really a guilt trip.  My honey likes to pretend he's been sad and lonely while I've been away.  Yeah, right!  When I am not around he isn't interrupted by me to remind him we have chores to do so he is happy to get lost blogging or working on his hobbies.  I kind of like being away some times.  It makes me appreciate the life we have together.

Corny as it may sound, I think each gets a thrill from running home and find the other there waiting and happy to be reunited.   Not wanting to participate in an activity doesn't mean one does not appreciate the pleasure the other gets to experience.

I believe people set the tone to how a marriage will be.  If one partner is possessive and controlling there is little chance things will change after marriage.  I am glad I found the right partner.  There is an expression I have always loved: "You can build a fence around me, but do not shut the gate!"  That is how it feels for me.  I feel safety and protection in my marriage without feeling confined! 

I know from past entries I've shown that fear of being controlled or tied down is one of my "dysfunctions", and that might have been one reason for marring so late in life. but I like to believe that finding the perfect man FOR ME (not perfect) was the real reason.

Unsupervised..

I rarely need to travel for work, but this month I will be assisting with the physical inventory during our yearly audit.  I am not looking forward to it.  The driving down to the border, extra long work week, eating out for every meal.  Ok, may be if I stay away from fast food that last one won't be too bad and my stomach won't rebel against me.

The thing that I dislike the most is leaving my honey home alone and unsupervised for so many days.  Not that I fear the house will catch on fire (knock on wood), or that I will actually come home to find the Lama my husband keeps asking for as a pet..  (yeah, he makes some interesting requests) What I fear is that there will be no one around to talk sense in to my honey and that he just might consume the colossal burger (about the size of your head) that he keeps eyeballing at TJ's Burger  

No, I do not pretend to be the voice of reason.  My honey and I usually take turns talking each other in and out of things.  Like, "we really need to do some house work around here" (usually my voice), "the flower beds need to be weeded desperately" (his voice), "No we don't NEED french onion dip, especially the EXTRA large size" (my voice), "I think we should stick to splitting between us the Little Debbie's snack, have you seen how many calories a full serving has??, Wait, when did I become the adult??" (his voice believe it or not!)

Besides the usual angst of sleeping away from my honey, is knowing that things will most likely be ignored or only partially done around the house.  During the work week there is little house work done, and major tasks such as moping floors and scrubbing bathrooms are performed during the weekend.  I still haven't figured out how to motivate us in to doing such hateful tasks during the work week. I can barely get motivated to cook more than quick and easy meals let alone do house work!

All linens get washed on weekends, whether they need them or not!!!  I hate our routine conversations about how long sheets would stay on his bed before we met.  I think he gets pleasure when I cringe, and I pray he only jokes!

The kitchen will probably explode because even if my honey does manage to "do dishes" in the dishwasher (which I am not a fan of) everything else that ends up on the counter will remain until my return.  I still haven't figured out how to explain that "washing dishes" translates to that plus recycling items, (no babe, a box of soda cans does not walk itself to the recycling bin and empty containers of juice don't rinse themselves out), disinfecting counters & sinks, sweeping floors, storing things back where they belong (chip clips, scissors, clean dishes).

No, I do not live with a slob.  I live with a man who will do most things I ask him with little fuss but who gets distracted so much with hobbies/past times that unless someone sends a flare to bring him back to reality he will rarely do "chores" without being prompted.  I think he has gotten comfortable in our marriage because I remember him taking care of himself/his apartment before we moved in together.

Anyways.. please send some good ju-ju my way so I find my home and husband unscathed when I return.

Invasion of privacy..

The other evening I passed out while reading late in to the night.  I woke to put my book up, remove my eyeglasses and turn off the light but decided to use the restroom before settling in to slumber.  Since I had already tortured my honey with my bedside lamp I didn't want to wake him with the sound of water running in our bathroom so I shuffled down the hall to our guest bathroom.(we have loud pipes).

So there I was, mostly trying to balance at an upright sitting position for a few seconds trying not to doze off when the corner of my eye caught movement under the door.  I clenched my jaw in reflex and prepared to suppress a scream (when I was young I saw a woman scream at the site of a bug/bee that ended up flying in to her mouth and I was scared into learning to react in a different way). I assumed a Texas-sized bug/roach that sometimes infiltrate was about to shamelessly intrude on a private moment, but turning my head enough for my eye to focus thru my glasses I identified what had poked thru. 

It was a little gecko who appeared to duck in long enough to notice it was "occupied" and then stepped back.  I was relieved!  Lizards and geckos don't scare me, unless you expect me to touch them.  I am not completely "down with reptiles", but they (lizards & geckos) are the only acceptable company of the critter kind.

The mild scare woke me up enough to focus in to getting quickly to bed so after I washed my hands I prepared to face Mr. Gecko again.  He was patiently waiting for his turn at the bathroom. As soon as I opened the door and stepped out, he stepped forward. "Don't forget to flush" I said as I turned off the light and shuffled back to bed.

One of many who hang out on our porch

The whole invasion of privacy has had me thinking back to a time when I caught an ex-boyfriend reading thru one of my journals. I kind of had a similar reaction.  I clenched my jaw and suppressed a scream.  It wasn't only that he had crossed the line, but because the last few days of entries in the journal were my internal conflict of investing in a relationship that wasn't working for me.  Fortunately his snooping just made it easier. Unfortunately that violation made me stop writing for a few years until my husband encouraged me to blog..

Hmm..  I can't say that I ever had that problem (of invasion of privacy) with my honey.  Perhaps it's because I have never hidden anything from him and have been my true self around him. Also before we officially lived together I mentioned something to the effect of "you may find something you don't like".  I was totally honest of who I was/am from the very beginning.  If he did snoop or stumbled in to something he didn't like, well, I wasn't going to pretend anything so we might have a discussion and weight our options.

Anyways, I have no problem with my husband getting in to my purse like most women do.  His only reason is to dig out or to throw in my cell phone (which I can never find or remember where I've left it).  There is the occasional "Honey do you have any cash on you?" that may have him looking thru my wallet depending on my response.  I don't have a "bad habit" I am trying to hide like smoking cigarettes, or a bank account he doesn't know about. (We have a joint account and both have kept our separate accounts.)

The thing we both have always respected is our time in the bathroom.  You won't catch either one forgetting to close the door and we ALWAYS knock and WAIT if the door is shut!  I was told by friends who married long before me that once you have kids you loose all shame.  Ahhmm.????  I just can't see it happening! I can see how it would be ok to have your child present (to keep an eye on THEM), but not a spouse! So far that is ONE if not the only thing I hope we never get comfortable with; unless there is a medical problem or something in our future!

I am also happy my husband gives me the freedom to share as much as I want to and won't press me for information.  For example, one of my dear friends has been going thru a few difficult months.  I have spent the better part of  (a few) entire days at her side helping however I could, but my husband never once tried to get details when I returned home.  I offered some vague information because he cares for her as well and showed concern, but specifics are my friend's privacy.

It's been three years of marriage.  And  I am glad his encouragement to write/blog has helped me keep clear in mind the past and the present.  How my entries sometimes shed light in to things he thought he fully understood.  No prying, allowing me space and a different way to know me better.  There is a difference between what you allow your mate to know and what you allow the world to  know!  When both are so "black & white" and accessible there is a different level of KNOWING (your mate).

It is very strange to have privacy lead to "full disclosure."

Wedding Anniversary.

I can't believe another year has gone by.  They say time flies when you are having fun. It felt like a blink of an eye!

I have been blessed with another wonderful year of marriage to the best man for ME!  Thank you my love for all the laughs and memorable days.  I have felt blessed every day since we met! 

Food calling..

It is surprising how well we tune in to specific sounds.  Some women can hear the very faint sounds of their babies stirring in a crib.  Some merchants can hear a door open to their business even without a bell ringing announcing a customer.  Some mechanics can identify exactly what needs adjusting by the pure sound of an engine running.

Me, I can hear when my husband is raiding the pantry.  Half the time I can be dead a sleep on a weekend morning and I can hear the number of times the pantry door opens (followed by the crinkling of food wrappers).  No, I am not monitoring my honey.  Ok, at times he needs a little supervision . Now that he is training for another marathon he believes he can inhale whatever he wishes no matter the calorie, salt or sugar intake.

I am the breakfast person in the house, so if I want my honey to eat something with substance for breakfast I need to drag myself out of bed early to cook before he can justify to himself the number of fruit bars he can eat. So far he's confessed to a number as high as 3!

Some evenings when I am preparing dinner very late; I can hear my husband purposely trampling thru the living room in the most comedic way the minute HE hears something resembling the sound of a snack being consumed without him.  I have teased him numerous times telling him he reminds me of a cat running in to the kitchen at the sound of an electric can opener.  In a flash he is standing in front of me and honestly I have begun to expect him to MEOW..