Now at 30 something I had been proposed to more than once. The first time my heart fluttered with excitement that someone actually wanted to marry me. As if being asked validated my worth on this earth. The realization I didn’t have to agree to it (I did! I was swept in the moment) because I was asked was something that came much later.
I learned a few things after that first proposal... Being asked isn’t the “honor” many women feel it is. It isn’t a favor or a nomination we should consider ourselves lucky to experience. Just because you are asked you don’t have to give an answer on the spot. You do have the option to think about it and ask yourself, do we have a good foundation to build a life? Is lust clouding my judgment? Am I jumping on the band wagon because I don’t want to be left behind? And last, if there is no actual ring there is no actual promise/agreement “binding” you to go thru with it. If there is no ring it probably is just “all talk” and you may find yourself in the afterglow of one hot and heavy romp.
My honey asked me twice. The first time my answer was “I love you, but ask me again later”. I was more afraid of him being carried away and wanted to give him a chance to reconsider. After all, this would be his second time around having been divorced only a couple of years. Oh, yeah... no ring! I was not going to let myself get swept in the moment either and wanted to make sure he meant it. (I did allow myself to buy my very first bride’s magazine and shared the news with my two best girlfriends)
He had also just finished school (his second carrier) and was looking for employment any place in the state. I didn’t want to accept out of fear of losing him and I was pretty sure I would not follow him if he moved away without being married. Things worked out in a way I was not faced with a long distance relationship or NOT uprooting to foolishly follow “a boyfriend”. After all, I wasn’t a character in a romance novel “leaving it all behind”. I was an adult; with a job I liked, family, friends, with a life I valued!
Any way, he asked again a second time about five months later. We discussed marriage in a roundabout way thru the months making sure we were on the same page about what we expected out of marriage. The proposal wasn’t dreamy... There was a ring. It was Valentine’s Day (my birthday) and despite the discussions over the months prior, it was unexpected! This time I accepted.