On the Menu

Indulged in late afternoon lunch with my honey.  I spent my noon time speaking over the phone with my Tia (aunt) and friend who lives up in Hobart, Indiana and was lucky enough to have had a patient husband who didn’t have a problem with me claiming the kitchen for my chat.  It only became an emergency to get off the phone when he poked his head in at about 1:30 p.m. and seem to decide I still needed privacy before he turned and walked out.  I honestly can talk to my aunt for hours! 

Anyway, I quickly got off the phone and since it was past “feeding time” for my honey, who has an internal clock that always lets him know it’s noon! I felt awful that he waited until past 2 before he ever showed signs of HANGER.  I offered to make him a quick and yummy sandwich for lunch if he didn’t have a game plan or know what he wanted to eat.

I got in the zone and started pulling a few of my favorite ingredients.  After completing what I felt was a masterpiece I could not wait to have him take a bite!  I put a lot of thought on how to layer the ingredients and was excited to see his reaction.  I don’t know that he was as excited as I, but he liked the sandwich and we had a nice meal at the kitchen table.  Said table partially covered with a couple of my sketches and supplies and in this week’s make-shift desk/work area.  (My honey travels between our dining room, coffee, and kitchen table.)

While enjoying our lunch he read what I assume was news or blogs online and I looked around at all the supplies at close reach.  I was still high on the flavors of the sandwich I was eating when inspiration tickled my brain.  Thinking I really wanted to have this sandwich again I thought of writing it down as one of my favorite recipes. I grabbed a note pad and pen from within reach and set out to write down a quick draft before pulling my recipe journal  Like many, I have tons of recipe books,  printed recipes I’ve found online and even a few torn from magazines.  I have copied only my favorites on to a recipe journal that also contains a few of my creations and some handed down from different family members. It is my own recipe book.

My thought process was to list the ingredients in the order they were laid out to be able to (like any recipe) recreate it.  ---  How many times have I written the word recipe?  Count for your own amusement!

The thought popped up how just listing the ingredients, without measurements/quantities sort of made it read like and item on a menu.  Hey, we should start a sandwich menu.  I looked across and demanded that my honey accept the privilege to name the sandwich.  He plays along with my random thoughts just as much as I do with his. (Yep, love that man of mine!) Anyways, I wrote down his name. (the name he came up with, not my honeys actual name).

The Maclovio – Dark toasted Oatnut whole grain bread with layer of sandwich spread, crispy Romine lettuce, thick slice of Jalapeno Jack cheese, warm thinly sliced Boarhead honey-roasted turkey, Roma tomatoes, pickle chips, and layer of coarse grain mustard. 

As I wrote I ate and let my mind flow.. My inner monologue Not a sandwich menu but our own house menu. How cool (yep, “cool” is still my word!) would it be to write a kitchen menu?  Suddenly a small plate of nachos appeared in front of me. Like usual, my honey inhaled his lunch and also as usual the portion of food I gave him was not adequate for his hunger.  

I picked a nacho chip or two since he offered and said to him, “I name these TRINITY NACHOS!" They have 3 ingredients and we can maybe make the name of menu items (no longer just sandwiches) relatable to family members. (One of our relatives is named Trinity). I asked my honey to write down his "creation."

As I continued to eat my sandwich, I transferred my rough draft of the sandwich recipe and scribbled it onto a clean yellow notepad paper.  I came up with a third entry to our menu, the Sweet Marilyn (named after another relative). A dessert I found online that is made up of baked granny smith apples, melted butter, brown sugar, ground cinnamon and oats. 

Create your own house menu. This is another idea for your quarantine entertainment. 

Weird Entertainment in Times of Quarantine #1

Like most, these past couple of month we have been on lock down.  There is so much (at times not enough) cleaning to be done around the house, organizing, reading and planning of meals one can do.   I am not a gardener, unlike my favorite neighbors who have used up their time at home wisely by revamping their back yard with an impressive new vegetable garden (I am more of a indoor potted plan aficionado).

With the "No large gatherings" permitted and the stall on all professional sports there has been quite a bit of time to fill. Luckily we were introduced by one of our favorite late night show hosts, John Oliver, to the surprisingly soothing an yet exciting world of marble racing.  Yes, you read correctly, MARBLES!

I confess at first I rolled my eyes at it, but on closer look I could appreciate the work that goes in to creating tracks, arenas with fans and even clever commentating. My anxious brain shuts down in a soothing fulfilment for competitive games and is even exhilarated with the dramatic scores/results.

Apparently these races and Olympic games have been going on for over a decade.  I hope you consider checking them out. Something to do when you are sick of the news and can't commit to another movie/series on your favorite streaming service.

Has it been a year?

I can't believe it's been OVER a year since my last post.  Too many things taking up my short attention span.  Good intentions pushed to the back burner.  I meant to update the blog.  It isn't relevant to how my life has changed, with what I intended to share/document that is no longer new to me.

Anyways.  It is my blog.  Not a chore/job.  The beauty of it is that I can crawl back in here and let my thoughts bounce around like a pinball (Hubby has subjected me to YouTube videos of Pinball Wizard. - I did not object!)

First of let me share that this terrifying year of quarantine (2020) looked less scary at the beginning of it, but for the exception that the big 5-0 would land early on me.  Funny thing was that my fear of turning 50 was not of getting older, but of not reaching the milestone birthday at all.  I had terrible nightmares for days up until my birthday.  I have never cared about birthdays, never cared to hide my age.  My reason has always been that my father passed soon after his 32nd birthday so every year I have lived past that age has been a blessing.

Now... If I look my age or not it is strictly my fault for not doing a better job at maintaining the only body I have and not the passing of time. Some years I did great, some years I said "fuck it!"

I pray you are all being careful, being kind, being supportive, being charitable despite and because of all the crazy going on.  We all knew 2020 would be a leap year, we just didn't understand we should leap over it and go straight in to 2021.

Have faith we will get our act together and figure out (though slow learners) how to move forward.  How to become a better version of ourselves, and how to take this punishing year as a wakeup call to be better.  Tired of this bull about "making America great again".  Too short-sighted, too exclusive.  How about "Becoming better human beings"?  Everyone!  No specific gender, race or nation.  All of us becoming better people!

Work here, work there, work everywhere.

After our move to Austin I had to keep my job to hang on to the health coverage that would be taking care of my scheduled surgery.  I was able to telecommute part of the week before and after (surgery) and for a while having to drive in to San Antonio wasn’t so bad. I worked for a pretty good company for over a decade, but the 200-plus mile round trip began to sting after a while.  I began a job search closer to home, but shortly after I again ended up in the hospital.  This time with a broken kneecap. I was fortunate the San Antonio job gave me a flexible schedule and allowed me to work from home, because the recovery time was much longer. Just as soon as I was back up to speed there were big changes at work that stopped me from telecommuting, which gave me a bigger incentive to switch jobs.

I would like to say that in no time I was able to find a job in Austin. Nope, that wasn’t the case.  I am a firm believer that everything happens “in time” or “God’s time”.  I had a job offer that fell thru and a job offer I declined for something much promising that ended up not promising at all.  Then my mother suffered a car wreck that had a few complications and pushed her in to early retirement.  It became a blessing to still be working in San Antonio and be able to help care for my mom. (job search on hold)

I had begun to stay in San Antonio a few nights a week and that quickly turned in to the full work week with me driving home on weekends. Not surprising it put a strain on our marriage. I became a part time wife and felt like a guest in my own home.  Both the honey and I would do our best not to waste precious time complaining or bickering when we saw each other, but the restraint made it worse because often we would end up blowing up at each other for insignificant things. 

I worked for a long period without any time off using any accumulated vacation to schedule job interviews.  Not knowing my way around a new city (Austin) made it difficult to gauge whether job prospects were conveniently located. If you live in or near a large and very congested city you know how easily 20 to 30 miles can equate to a 60 minute-plus commute. 

Again, “in time/God’s time”. My employer was aware of my job search, so I was a prime candidate when the need to cut some positions came around. I had a bit of notice so was able to line up some temp work.  I ended my longest held job on a Friday and started a temporary job the following Monday. I am very happy to report that temp job quickly turned in to a permanent job and I now work 2 miles from home.  It all happens for a reason.  I held on to a job that gave me good health insurance coverage to get me thru some costly hospital stays.  The slow job switch held me in San Antonio at a crucial time, when having a new job would have made it hard to take time off and be there for my mom. After suffering thru a ridiculous commute, I was rewarded (it feels like a reward) with a very conveniently located job.  Thank you, God!

Music all around

Since moving to Austin, we have been enjoying more of the music scene Texas has to offer. Austin is famous for SXSW.  It attracts the masses and every year star gazing is not solely reserved to sitting under the Texas sky, but spotting one celebrity or another attending the 10 day event.

While many look forward to attending the next yearly festival with their latest emerging technology, films and music, we are happy to have a healthy dose of constant entertainment year-round. Surprisingly, not all the good musical entertainment is reserved for the city (Austin), the surrounding area is full of quaint little towns that can boast having successful bars, taverns, beer gardens and dancehalls.

The Saddle Sores

We have been fortunate to have made new friends whose musical family connections have them well informed of local bands.  Thru them we have been introduced to a number of music venues and had had excellent evenings.  One gem of a venue is this out of the way dance hall (thru miles of country roads & fields) in Coupland, TX.

Now the honey and I enjoy all types of music, but especially LIVE music.  These particular friends I have mentioned are partial to country music and thanks to them we have enjoyed a few local bands, the more memorable performances from “Mike & The Moonpies” & “The Saddle Sores”.  You just got to love their names.

Lake Street Dive at ACL

We have also caught in-town performances. My personal favorites from last year are “Lake Street Dive” which performed last Summer at the famous ACL (Austin City Limits) & “Mingo Fishtrap” on my birthday, the latter an Austin band I have been following for over a decade. 

Mingo Fishtrap at One2One

So, while the city is gearing up for another SXSW, many will be enjoying less crowded venues.  Still enjoying good music and of course, good drinks!

In sickness ...

When I was single and living alone, one of the things that made me feel the loneliest was getting sick.  There were a few times when some random illness left me feeling so crappy that I could barely make it out of bed to take care of myself. On a few of those times I manage to have full blown pity parties and wonder what I would do if I ever had a serious illness and lived on my own.

I should have focused more on “serious illness” and not so much on the “on my own” part.  I have never really been on my own.  I have always had family and close friends that I can depend on.  Unfortunately, single or married makes no difference when you are dealing with health issues.  They happen, they are scary, and you might even feel like you are walking thru a fog. 

Well I no longer wonder because it happened.  Illness serious enough to scare me, make me think of my mortality and totally piss me off.  Dealing with doctors, test and procedures was scary. Worrying about test results and thinking I may not have much time really pissed me off.  All those years of not settling and hoping that perhaps there was a right man for me somewhere (like grandma used to say) and feeling cheated if things took us in the worst direction. That really made me angry.  I hung on to anger like a floating device because I felt myself sinking.  It is now mostly a nightmare I put to bed, but the fear never goes away. Neither does sorrow.

We did a bit of hopping between cities a couple of years ago. Moved back to San Antonio only to relocate a year later to the Austin area.  During that time problems arose that all women dread and for about 6 months I was making frequent visits to my OBGYN. I have an incredible partner in my husband, and he behaved and cared for me the precise way I needed him to.  He held me together and helped me stay positive.  Sometimes he just held me.  The aftermath was that our last hope of having biological children of our own was finally lost.  The decision was made for us, though I had told myself if we hadn’t conceived by then it most likely wasn’t going to happen. 

I had to have a partial hysterectomy and I am healthy now.  I grieved for so many things but have been determined to stay positive.  We could adopt, foster or just be a house hold of two.  So far, we are enough for each other.  I am thankful I can continue to hang around and enjoy the marriage that we've built.

Thru all the chaos we stayed positive. We gambled/had faith (whatever you want to call it) that we would get thru it and bought our first house together as well as made the move to the Austin area.  Yeah, thru some good days and some bad days we house hunted, scheduled surgery, time off to recover and moved. 

Dealing with illness was a very scary time.  I had never stayed overnight at a hospital.  I had never had major surgery. I had never felt so embarrassed!  I am private about certain things but for the most part never squeamish with topics that most people would rather avoid.  However, sharing with my immediate family the reasons why I was having surgery was somehow painful.  I even considered not letting anyone know, but if something went horribly wrong my honey would be the one facing my family. Not a very fair thing to do.

I want to tell you that the whole ordeal left me feeling closer to my husband than all the years we had been together.  My married girlfriends told me many times that having children usually brought a couple closer and that you lost all shame with your partner.  Specifically, being able to use the bathroom with the other present. (Squirming) I have never understood how urinating/defecating in front of your partner makes you closer.  Nope, nope, nope!

I will never know the level of intimacy that is procreating with your partner, but the intimacy and vulnerability of dealing with illness. No prize (child) at the end of such a messy ordeal.  No other result but to get to stick around a little longer with each other until God/Fate decides it. 

Anyways, the honey and I are still private about our bathroom time although I confess that I insisted he close his eyes while he helped me on and off the potty while in the hospital.  My choices had been his help if a nurse could not show up soon enough to get me in the bathroom or a bed pan.  I hope you understand my choice.

I am very fortunate to have a caring partner.  His love and patience with me is beyond what I ever imagined a man I could call my husband would possess.  I think I have used up any sick points allotted for the first few years of marriage. Three months after my surgery I had an unscheduled hospital visit for a compound fracture. That was such a breeze in comparison that I insisted my husband not follow me directly to the hospital but stop and get himself some lunch first.  No need for both to suffer with hospital food.

Writing sabbatical; had several distractions

It has been a long sabbatical taken from blogging. A series of events pulled me away, even though I've had the time to blog. Reconciling my desire to write for pleasure and writing as a tool to cope with some challenges took a while. My amazing husband encouraged me to get back into it. So here I am again.  Sharing the ups and downs of a not-so-youngish marriage.

Feliz dia de las Madres (2017)

 

(Happy Mother’s Day)

In honor of my Mexican heritage which celebrates Mother’s Day on the 10^th of May I would like to wish everyone a Happy Mother’s Day.

I have been blessed to have been raised by an incredible woman who had to be both mother and father to me and my siblings.  My dad’s passing forced her to take on life with 3 children.  I think she did an amazing job as a parent.  

My heart is full of gratitude for having the privilege of having a friend in my mom. Though growing up with an old fashioned and strict parent was difficult, as an adult I have realized more than once that I am fortunate beyond words.

Early in the year my maternal grandmother passed and this day is especially difficult.  Another great woman whose hardships never stopped her from guiding and loving her children, her grandchildren and other family.

To my friends and family, especially “My two Fridas” Happy Mother’s Day”.

Smartass Conversations 2/22/15

Sunday morning my Honey and I were driving around town running some errands when I thought I'd discuss an idea that's been bouncing around in my head.

ME: Babe... how would you feel if I got another tattoo? (I have one that I got on my 30th birthday)
THE HONEY: Where? (He has none)
ME: I don't know, probably add to the one I have. (ME THINKING: So it's no longer referred to as a tramp stamp)
THE HONEY: Are you going to tattoo my name?
ME: My second husband would probably not like it. (Grin)
THE HONEY: I expect you to be a grieving widow and never marry again; maybe join a convent.
ME: The only way I'd join a convent is if it was the name of a rock band.
THE HONEY: You'll wear black for the rest of your life?
ME: Black INK!
THE HONEY: I thought you were gonna throw yourself on my funeral pyre!
ME: (Eyes rolling) NOPE! I've told you THAT AIN'T HAPPENING!

Happy New Year 2015 - (Quick recap of 2014)

I am the forever optimist, and gratitude is a trait instilled in me from childhood that wasn't easy to grasp in my younger years, but life had  a way to show me with examples.  I am grateful for the past year!  It was full of good moments and the bad ones not big enough to recall easily.  I am truly grateful for the past months and looking forward to this new year.

Things happen for a reason, and moving back to San Antonio has had us close to loved ones during important moments.  We were able to attend my nephew's football games when living a few towns over made it difficult to share in watching him grow up.  By the way, the kid recently turned 13 and is 6 foot-plus!

Nephew is tallest kid in his team.

My concern about moving in with my mother was understandable, but thankfully things have worked out better than I could have ever imagined.  The arrangement is still "temporary", but I am happy that it has been beneficial to all in more ways than one.  I am glad we were around to support mom during a brief health scare, but thankfully all is well.

Concert t-shirt worn at 2014's Rock n Roll marathon

In 2014 we celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary.  Fate managed to arrange that one of our favorite local singers, Robert Earl Keen--who we saw perform on our third date, play on our wedding anniversary. My honey planned a wonderful weekend around it.

The honey ran his 4th full marathon, shaving about 12 minutes from his time the prior year, and he got a kick out of attracting the attention of Mrs. Keen (who also ran the San Antonio Rock n Roll marathon) with the REK t-shirt he wore to the race.

Every now and then my honey manages to scare me with some minor injury that triggers a flood of emotions.

When you've experienced loss at an early age you tend to overreact a bit, but I try to make light of it on the outside and not let it out of control, This year we did a little four-wheeling over Thanksgiving and my love had a mishap that almost catapulted him over the handle bars.  Not a big deal, expect I watched it up close and in slow motion. It was nothing a few cold beers and ice couldn't cure, though the after math did leave huge bruising on his thigh and torso.  I am grateful we ended the year in one piece!

Ambidextrous.  Balancing ice on one hand while drinking beer with the other.

So the past year was a good one and I am hopeful 2015 will be even better.  May your new year be full of wonderful surprises and hopefully no injuries.

And the move goes on

We are in between residences.  I can't begin to tell you how painful it is to have to purge thru our belongings.  It is especially painful for two procrastinators who keep putting things off.

All I can say is "I can't wait until August" when the move will be complete one way or another. We have been throwing out things we didn't realize we were hording. Like 12 or more half-empty bottles of shampoo and conditioner.  Another dozen or so containers of some type of sunscreen.  Makeup; enough to stock up a store's makeup counter and some diffuser attachments to hair dryers that died and were replaced years ago. This alone came out from our master and guest bathroom cabinets.

The hardest part has been deciding what to sell or donate.  We keep having the same discussions of why much of "my honey's stuff" (things he owned before we married) are being purged and have been disposed of over the years as to "my stuff" (things I acquired before we met) that are being kept! One simple reason.  "My stuff" isn't junk!  (Note: we have learned to call it all "our"stuff except when we are campaigning to keep or dispose of something.)  I took the time and had the discipline to save for the best quality I could afford.  My honey, well ...  He is a guy (though I know it is offensive to stereotype).  His furniture was functional and that is about the most positive thing I can say!

There are things I owned before him that aren't making the cut, but it is definitely noticeable how very little of his furniture will be coming along with us.  Yes, we've been together a few years but not long enough not to remember who owned what.  Actually there aren't many pieces of furniture we've purchased since we've been together.  We've mostly invested in upgrading electronics.

Anyways, "The Great Summer Migration of 2014" goes on.  I ask that you send us some "good ju-ju" or if you are the praying type a big prayer to help us survive it.

Moving back “home”

After 5 years of living in a town 35 miles north of San Antonio we are finally moving back home (to San Antonio).  It is not exactly what I had hoped for, but I trust that everything happens for a reason and “in God’s time”.

We have been living and both working in different cities hoping to lay roots once we managed to move back or a job opportunity took us further away.  I don’t really know why it always felt like a temporary living situation, but the years sure flew by fast. 

It happened that the house we have been leasing was put on the market and since we weren't interested in buying this particular home we had to start looking for a place to move.  At the same time my mother who had been living alone for just a short time (since my sister got engaged and decided to re-marry) was having a difficult time getting accustomed again to an empty house.  On top of that, right before retirement, my mother’s workplace went thru some changes and that turned out to be a change in her income.  So, “in God’s time” the chance to move back to San Antonio came our way.  We will be moving in with my mother.  (Pause for all those screaming at the thought of moving back in with their parents.)

So it isn't the ideal move, but it will be a chance to help my mom and help ourselves.  We will be able to save a bit while my honey tries to switch jobs and hopefully find another job in San Antonio or a better opportunity takes us elsewhere.  Mom won’t be so lonely, will get some financial relief and will have a chance to see if she could live with us “in her old age”.

It may be strange to some, but in my family the thought of our mother (our only parent – Dad passed when I was 9) living alone at an age when things may start becoming difficult for her is horrific. My brother and I both have told her time and time again that we want her to move in with either one of us when she is ready. It is something I informed/discussed with my honey long before we considered marriage. The timing couldn't have been planned better.  Concern over my mom had made my brother begun considering the option to get a bigger house or renting his current home and move his family into mom’s place since there is more room.  The hesitation was my nephew would be in a different school district.

Anyway, things are working out without any obstacles.  I am very fortunate my honey actually likes my mother, and she thinks he is a great guy and wonderful son-in-law. We’ll see how things go; in the meantime there is purging and packing ahead of us.

Time off to consider

I knew this blog would have to evolve.  I actually ran out of things to say and life has been happily passing by.  I didn't want my post to become meaningless blabber..  For a moment I even considered posting a recipe just to post something.  After almost 5 years of marriage (thought this blog is much younger) the "novelty" of being married vanished.  What our lives have become are a real marriage!  A marriage with ups and downs, casual memories and difficult decisions.  It has been eyeopening!  How far we've come along.  How blessed we are to have grown in to a partnership, a team..

I intend for my writing to be about a couple in their forties.  The challenges, the future and most of all the simple joy of loving your mate.

Thankful for the holiday season

Happy holidays!  Hope this season has been good to you! I am feeling all warm and fuzzy inside after these past weeks.

First we were blessed to have been able to host our very first "Friendsgiving" in November.  A group of friends (total of 11 adults ) sat at our table being thankful for so many things, but especially having each other in our lives.  It was a pot luck dinner which made it easier than our usual Thanksgiving celebrations. 

I had no idea there was such a thing as "Friendsgiving", but I found an e-vite format that tells me this concept has been around for a bit! 

Of all the things I am thankful for, I am most thankful for the friends who share my joys and allow me to lean on them thru my struggles!

Don't ask me how but somehow we managed to put up our Christmas tree on December first!  We also sent out all of our Christmas cards the first half of the month, and being that last year we didn't send out any and the year before we sent them out right before the new year I am feeling very accomplished! The honey also managed to put up lights on the house without any injuries! 

Anyways, this year a good friend invited us to spread some holiday cheer in downtown San Antonio (TX) and I have to say it was the best time I've had at Christmas time since I was in high school when the choir would go caroling on the Riverwalk. (a mighty long time ago!)

We dressed very festive (a few of us in costume)  to hand out candy and toys to all we ran in to.  The smiles on children not expecting to get "Elved" (Santa's elves were running amok) was priceless.  Our friend was very much prepared with the loot to give away because he even had a few very warm pieces (scarfs, gloves, and hats) for the less fortunate living on the street.

This holiday season I attempted my usual baking, but this year the results were right down pathetic. I baked on three different days and each time I managed to burn cookies.  It is the horrible to be stuck with 7 dozen cookies that aren't good enough to wrap up and give away and not burnt enough to toss out!   There was only one batch of cookies that were half decent.  My first try at baking gingerbread men or rather "ninja-bread" men: solely attempted for  my 8 year old neighbor who is a cool little kid in martial arts (Brazilian Jujitsu) and I very much encourage girls to kick butt.

So the year will soon wrap up; I sit on my couch admiring our Christmas tree loving the new ornament additions. I am glad I found an ornament that "my nerd" would think was cool.

I am also glad my honey insisted on buying me a tree ornament in the middle of July while on vacation this year.

I am hopeful the new year will bring wonderful things to us, and I wish the same to you all.  May you make wonderful memories in 2014

Armed

I've been in a constant state of grief ever since my honey decided to act on his constitutional right to bear arms.  With the tragic deaths in Texas this year where court officers were shot my honey felt it necessary to acquire a gun.  I have mixed feelings on the subject.  My family has a history of being in law enforcement so I am not totally unfamiliar with firearms. 

Obtaining a Concealed Handgun License was encouraged at my honey's job and so without hesitation he filled out all the forms, and signed up for the class, but not before running to buy one more pistol (the thought never crossed his mind to discuss the purchase with his spouse)!  He took the class, applied for a license and shortly after; "Ta-Dah", he started leaving home armed! 

Now I don't want this post to be about the pros and cons of guns.  To each their own minds, conscience and civil duty to vote for or against laws in their own state!

My worry is knowing my husband is out and about armed! And when I say out and about I don't mean at work: where security could always be improved.  I mean he takes it just about everywhere!! This really stresses me. I see my husband as someone who could handle himself, but my number one fear is of him being disarmed and having his piece used against him.

Like I said, I am not uncomfortable being around firearms.  My brother is a police officer and I see him armed on and off duty.  I believe it's the fact that IT IS MY BROTHER'S JOB to carry.  I know him to religiously go to target practice and to have the respect firearms deserve. It is HIS JOB to be knowledgeable and proficient with firearms!

My honey tells me he grew up around guns.  Heck, my father in law has given both his sons some type of gun as gifts.  The thing is that it was several years into our relationship before we discussed having a gun in our home and before then I never considered seeing my husband in that light!  I knew my honey to be more of an "egg-head".  A smart man, full of logic and knowledge but never a gun carrying guy. In all the time I've known him he's never been hunting, as to say he is a hunter and therefor is familiar with guns.

He is also not ex-military, and he is definitely not one of those doomsday survivalists.  I know my worrying may make my husband feel like I think him incompetent when it comes to carrying an arm.  That is not the case.  My true grief is now seeing my husband as a possible target.  You see, I grew up without a father. My dad was in law enforcement and died in the line of duty.  Those are the dreaded words "Line of Duty". 

I saw my mother lose a husband whose job was putting himself on the line every single day! Now my mother will say that she married a "regular Joe"-- she never dreamed he would enter law enforcement after they got married.  She lived in a constant fear of him not coming home, and in the end one day he didn't. 

I had felt relieved that I didn't have to worry every single day like my mom did since I did not marry a cop, but suddenly now I do!  Seeing my honey carrying a gun on him only makes me imagine the worst scenarios and it stresses me! I know with the recent shootings this week some might think I should feel some relief knowing my husband is not unprotected and may have better odds if fate brought violence to his feet but it doesn't.  The truth is my fear is of losing my loved one and him carrying a gun only makes the possibility more real to me.

We will most likely continue to be a nation divided by our gun laws, but my heart and prayers go out to those who've been recently touched by these latest tragedies.

Relationship baggage..

At twenty-something, and more so at forty-something, most single people come with relationship baggage!  For most is the fear that your current love will reveal some of the worst characteristics of your last love...  immature, irresponsible, unfaithful, (insert here your own nightmare)! 

Sometimes the baggage is high expectations.  For example, someone I know remarried and expected her new husband to be equally generous and romantic as her deceased first husband which left her in a constant state of disappointment.  Either way, good or bad expectations are hard to shake and can sabotage a relationship. 

In our marriage, the worst baggage we carried were material things acquired in past relationships.  For us the biggest one was the house my husband was awarded after his divorce.  The house is in a different city, and for a while the possibility of living in it was there, which made every cell in my body convulse. I am glad we never did move there, but dealing with renters, realtors trying to sell the house, and a mortgage for a home we did not live in was definitely strenuous in our marriage!

Another example  of  our "material baggage" were our beds. When we decided to move in together, my honey's lease on his apartment expired first so all his furniture went in to storage and he moved in to my apartment. Some months later my lease expired and we were able to move in to a home large enough to merge all our possessions. It was then when we faced the decision of which bed we would use in the master bedroom (with plans for a wedding it wasn't reasonable to make the expense). Call me irrational but refusing to make a bed my husband "came with" that might have been his marital bed (I'd never want to know - la-la-la.  Fingers in ears) "OUR bed" was something that I would not budge on.  My honey tried "reasoning" and argued that he could make the same argument about "my bed".  Here is where I saw the difference!  My bed was MINE and mine alone! It wasn't purchased with anyone else, it had never been a bed for no one else than me!  Sure it had been shared but no one had "co-owned" it with me!  I don't want to say I won that argument, but it was my furniture that made it in to the master bedroom.

Not long after we married and again the beds came up. The honey suggested we swap the mattress from our master bedroom with one from the spare bedrooms (which came with him) while we saved to replace our entire bedroom suite. I admit they were more comfortable but Nope! That wasn't going to happen!  His argument was that I had not had a problem sleeping on them when I would stay at his apartment before we lived together.  That was true; I  had no problem then.  I told him I didn't care then because at the time I didn't know how our romance would turn out. 

Out of curiosity (not needing support) I asked some of my girlfriends how they would feel if they were in my shoes..  They all understood my point. One even suggested it may be a female thing, but only because her ex-husband #2 didn't mind moving in to the house or the bed left behind by ex-husband #1.  I have to disagree there and point out it may be the character of ex-husband #2 which may be also why he is an ex-husband.

Anyways, as far as I am concerned we ended up with the less "evil" type of baggage.  No police record, unmanageable debts,  traumatic memories,  lingering exes or other type of things haunting us. I know we were lucky to be pretty "damage free" folk when we met, and I am glad falling in love didn't come at a price...  Ok, maybe the price for me was waiting longer than average for the right man. 

A funny thing about QUIET

Our home is strangely quiet.  Strangely, because we both grew up in households where yelling (for good or bad reasons) was the norm.

In my childhood home, there was only one parent and three kids.  My mom had to do a lot of yelling to stay on top of 3 very loud and headstrong children.

She would yell to call us to sit for a meal, she would yell to keep us from fighting each other, she would yell to get us to move from whatever part of the house we were in to where she was.  I never really noticed how much yelling there was involved until I lived a few months with an aunt and her family.  There was no yelling there!  I figured because there was only one child in the house (my cousin) there was very little high volume (noise).

It wasn't until one of my good friends had children and I saw how she interacted with her kids that I realized the number of children does not determine the noise volume in the house.

Since I lived alone for many years before my honey and I met there was no yelling (no one to yell at) in my home.  When we began to live together there was only one special request from my honey.  Yep, no yelling.  In a small apartment it would take little effort to walk across and speak to one another.  It took some getting used to.  I found it unbelievably difficult not to give a quick holler to get his attention and NOT HAVE TO walk ALL THE WAY OVER to say something.  Ok, it was more than difficult.  It was right down a pain in the butt!

It took time to get used to, but now I appreciate it very much.  I have actually thought about how loud other people's homes are.  I have seen members of my family carry on with that yelling habit and honestly, it makes me very uncomfortable witnessing it.  I never know if they are irritated at one another or they are just LOUD!

So for now we enjoy a "quiet life" where the only things loud in the house are my honey occasional  blasting Rush (or some other classic band) in the stereo or my blasting of the T.V. trying to listen to the morning news while I am drying my hair in the bathroom.. 

Making some "ME" time..

 I know it seems like I've fallen off the face of the earth with little to no posts lately.  I've been entertained with old interests and there is only so much time to do all the things I want.

I have had the good fortune of having an old friend move back to town recently. He is a well seasoned musician and is now giving me private drum lessons. 

He seems to think I want a new career because he's been telling me that in no time I will be able to "get some gigs" (got to love the lingo) subbing for local bands.  My friend is in his 60's and looks like a salt & pepper version of "Animal" from the Muppet's.

I have no delusions of becoming a paid musician/drummer.  The drum lessons I have taken in the past (in a class of 5 or 6 students) have all been to have fun.   I strive to soon feel capable/confident enough to sign up at "open jam night" and play my part on a song or two.  I am finding out that I haven't had enough instruction, and my bad technique is due to little supervision in learning in a group class. 

Drumming is something I took up before I married, and thought I haven't exactly kept up with it these past couple of years (my drums have spent more time neglected in our office than taking licks!)  my honey has always been very supportive.

Anyways, lately I've had the opportunity to spend more of my free time with my two best friends. In early May I took a long weekend to the beach with the girls.  We used to have a "Girls weekend getaway" every year, but marriage, kids, divorce and other responsibilities has made it hard for our usual little group to gather.

I am lucky that my honey is understanding of my need to bond with my girl friends.  He's never been jealous or stood in the way of my friendships like it some times happens in relationships.   He does sometimes pretends to lay a guilt trip by playing poor me!  "All alone... Unsupervised!"

It's been nice to have gone back to making time for ME.  I really can't say that I resent work, marriage, home or family that absorb my waking moments.  Somehow I noticed I had a long list of things to do and few items of things I WANTED TO DO so it was time stop trying to stretch hours in the day and just schedule some "fun time". I am very fortunate that there wasn't a tragedy shaking me up to prioritize!!

So we've been enjoying some simple pleasures: hanging out some nights on the driveway with a group of neighbors (next time I am making Mojitos), catching a few matiness on the latest movie releases, have gone back to cooking and eating more meals together during the week, even managed to squeeze in reading a book or two (I am on a "classics" kick and for the first time have read EMMA and DRACULA).

Now I just have to schedule some time to write & read blogs on a "regular" basis while we share one lap top.  The honey's dinosaur of a laptop expired a few weeks ago, and we've agreed to research our purchase and wait for a good deal.  I know one of us can always use our "almost forgotten" desk top, but neither likes to actually work in our office.

Anyways, I hope your Summer has been festive.. 

Late news... a new "Bride to be"

Sometimes it's difficult to gather all of the family, ok not all but the "immediate family" (who live within a 1 or 2 hour drive) for the holidays.  This last Easter the turnout was great and it coincided with an unexpected surprise.

My young 20 year old cousin (daughter to my youngest uncle) got engaged over the Easter weekend.  We didn't see it coming.  I guess it's her young age and the fact that she could actually be my own child that makes me think of her as a little girl. 

I am excited and happy for her!  It is rare these days to see a young couple who want to marry and spend the rest of their lives together without any "obligations" stirring them thru that path. Marriages are happening when the couples are a little older. I can't say that I envy her, but I do wish I had been that lucky.  To have found my companion in my younger years... (only because I wish we could have shared more of our lives' experiences)

My honey has told me countless times how he wished we would have met when we were younger.  My response to his wish (and mine occasionally) has always been that I am pretty certain we might not have appreciated each other as much had we not lived the previous lives we lived apart. 

Until this wedding anouncement I never felt so much emotion and regret for not having found my love earlier.  All I can tell myself is "I didn't settle", and every day of my married life I have been certain I married the "The Right Man".

I am thrilled that my cousin will be traveling her life path with love at her side.  I wish her the best!  The lovebirds are young, but they are mature in their thinking and have a logical and attainable "game plan".  Their future looks bright and that is what we can hope for our loved ones.

Now, as for my aunt and uncle.  They are pleased with the match.  Their only child is an actual adult, and she will be marring as young as they did themselves. 

Congratulations Miranda & Carlos!

Happy birthday to us!

The honey and I have birthdays (about 5 weeks apart) soon after Christmas and finding a good birthday gift  especially after the exhaustion all the holiday shopping is hard! This year I totally blanked out!  I couldn't come up with ANYTHING at all that would surprise him! 

Even after managing to leave work early on his birthday to make one final attempt at finding a gift, I came up with nothing!  I didn't want to just buy something so he would have a gift to open.  I wanted to find a gift he would be excited over, not like the chain and charm I gave him not long ago. Nothing came to mind so in defeat I resigned to the shame of having NO GIFT.

I did manage to put a smile on his face by gifting him, of all things, a box of Poptarts!  He loves them and since I police our sugar/junk food so much the treat actually excited him! That and a geeky Star Wars birthday card (aside from the muchy-lovey-dovey one) was all I had.

I took him to dinner at a restaurant of his choice and at the end promised him I would buy whatever he wanted or at least give him cash he could spend guilt free.  Very lame, very "throw money at the problem" and impersonal.  Weeks later I still feel awful!

On Valentine's Day (which is also my birthday) I did much better on the gift department.  I got him (3 weeks in advance) the latest CD and a T-shirt from one of his favorite non-main stream bands "Dread Zeppelin".  My honey is a big Led Zeppelin fan and owns a large collection of music from tribute bands. This particular band (Dread Zeppelin) has become one of my favorites as well!

Anyway, my honey gets brownie points for making my birthday special.  Not only did he have a gift for me 1st thing in the morning, he also arranged to work a half day and go in to work early so he could leave in time to make the 80 mile trek from the town he works in to San Antonio just to take me out to lunch at my favorite Thai restaurant. Since we work in different towns (from where we live) and in opposite directions meeting for lunch on a work day only happens when one of us has a day off.

Our Valentine's Day celebration wasn't the traditional going out to dinner most couple's do.  Instead we opted to stay home and have a quiet evening where we made home made pizza and as the nerds that we are sat together to watch Big Bang Theory on T.V.

Valentine Pizza!

I hope your Valentine's day celebration was great for you all, no matter how you chose to celebrate!

(I know this post is a month late, but I am easily distracted and haven't had much time to play/write lately.)