So very proud..

My husband completed his first full marathon today. I am so very proud and impressed by him; to have taken on the challenge for his own benefit, without anyone pressuring him, and to test his own endurance its something I admire very much.

On my biggest physical challenge (at 33) I had a group training me, pushing me and guiding me thru it all. My husband had only a schedule to follow and no one pushing him. I tried to be as supportive as possible and each unbearably hot, freezing cold or rainy day he laced up his shoes and went to fulfill his scheduled miles to run.

What impresses me the most about my husband is that when most 40 something’s are going thru silly midlife crisis (he is 43) buying expensive toys, having plastic surgery, validating their self-worth by trying to recapture their youth in the most damaging ways my husband has done two impressive things:

One, he went back to school and got a law degree and TWO he set his sights on improving his physical fitness.

Congratulations my love! You are an inspiration to me and I am so happy to have you in my life.

The Polyphonic Spree & Dr. Seuss

One of the great things of coming together in a friendship or relationship is the introduction of something different from what you know.  In my relationship with my husband one of my favorite things he introduced me to was new music artists.  The Polyphonic Spree are one I am a fan of now. One of my favorite songs from them I should have my husband play for me to help him get me out of bed in the mornings..  I am a challenge!

These musicians are true artists and their song "Light and Day" is a masterpiece of sounds.  The chorus gives me tingles and it makes me feel like ... flying, like WIND.  I found this alternate video of the song just recently. It fits more to what my feelings over the song have been..  They also had a guest apparance on Scrubs which was pretty cool.

I was so happy when I saw that this loved song will be featured in the next Dr.Seuss movie-The Lorax and I just can't wait unit next spring to see it.  The preview is one that fills my visual senses and adds more to my love of the song.  I hope you take a chance at checking out this band and if nothing else reminisce on childhood memories with the new movie.

Chilli cook off (Part II)

When we met in Terlengua we found out about Harry's "little" mishap and realized there was a big hole on the floor of the sleeping area.  Thoughts of critters crawling in immediately filled my head!. My husband quickly patched it up with what little he could find; a few trash bags but mostly duct tape, because my father-in law being a man's man happened to have MORE THAN A FEW rolls of it! How he did not freeze thru the earlier days before our arrival is beyond me. In Terlingua at this time of year the temperature can drop well below 40 at night. Now I can understand Harry not making the repair himself; though a sturdy gentleman he is in his late 70s and has no business crawling under a trailer.

Another discomfort was the limited amount of water we had for bathing. Harry gave us the low down when we arrived on how that would work. I still laugh at his words.. He said, "you get in the shower and rinse off quickly, then you wash the important parts and rinse off again quickly". Hmm..., lightning shower. Besides the limited amount of water the blowout incident busted the water heater so our showers were even quicker! Again, thank goodness I travel with wet wipes, because they got us clean along with the limited amount of ice-cold water we had to use to rinse. The one thing I just could not do properly without using up all our water suply was washing my long hair. Yes, my husband loves my long hair and makes faces when ever I mention I am considering chopping it off (I do it every few years). Despite him having had "long hair" in his college days he has no idea what most women go thru to groom long locks. My hair immediately went up in a pony tail the minute I saw all the dust of the camp grounds and it stayed that way or in braids AND under a hat for the length of our camping weekend! I tried my best not to think about it, but the ick factor was almost unbearable!

Anyways, the chili festival is one long week of loud music, socialising with your neighbor, people driving around in 4x4 custom vehicles (you'd be surprised of the many places people can mount long horns), drinking, shopping (plenty of vendors), and eating. Not a bad place to be! If it wasn't for some campers blasting music well past 2 a.m. and the noise of generators the "camping" trip would be awesome. 

I have to say I do like to camp; but my camping trips had never consisted of being a part of a mobile village in the middle of the desert. I had always camped by a river or a lake, in warm weather and with a handful of close friends. The festival has a rowdy side to it. There are hardly kids around since the campers mostly consist of retired people and a not so young age group that find heavy drinking and the flashing of bare breasts entertaining. Don't get me wrong, I am no stick in the mud; I truly enjoyed a tequila tasting party we got invited to at a campsite next to us, but it was tasting from a dozen bottles and not chugging to get a buzz.

The best part of the festival besides the actual chili tasting is going off roading thru the desert, but despite all the fun distractions this year's cook off was something I was willing to skip. It was a memorable time that I was happy to have an excuse to PASS on this year. Having to work on a weekend finally gave me an excuse to get out of something I really didn't want to do.

I have to admit I have some good memories of our trip last year, but the bad outweighed the good after the fact. At the time I didn't want to be a whiny wife complaining about the conditions, but a year later all the discomforts rushed back in my head and I prayed that the busy season at work would give me a "get out of jail" card.  As expected (and to my luck) I did end up having to work thru the weekend of this year's cook off.  Despite my long hours at the office at least I had plenty of hot water to shower at home.

Chili cook off (Part I) / camping trip

Entrance to camp ground

Last year, my husband and I attended the Annual Chili Cook off in Terlingua, Texas. It is a week long festival with a chili cook off competition at the end of the week.  This year, my husband made the trip without me.  Last weekend, he went to Terlingua and met his dad who has been attending and judging for some 15 plus years.

The cook off last year was fun.  We met some interesting people and because my father in-law is a regular (every body knows and loves Harry), he gets invited to many little parties at different camp sites thru the week long festival.  We of course tagged along and ate and drank beyond our hearts content.  Each night there was a live country band and an actual dance floor (area)! It would have been awesome had I had someone to dance with.  Despite my husband's pride in being a Texan (lord he teases me about my Yankee ways - I was transplanted in San Antonio in my teens) , HE DOES NOT dance to country music.

Harry took with him last year his giant telescope, which in an open range with a starlit canopy sky was an amazing treat. A big difference from sky gazing in the city. Last year the long drive to Terlingua was a nice way to connect with my husband.  We love car trips, and taking pictures along the way is one of our favorite things.  This year after having made the drive before, the thought of spending eight hours in a car to get there and eight hours back of a three-day weekend was a bit of a nightmare.  I have been exhausted for the better part of two months and such a long drive did not fit in to my idea of resting.

Anyways, the festival is held in the desert on a few acres of land where you bring in all you will need for the time you are there and then you must take it all back! (You know, CAMPING!)  There is no running water, there are also no rivers, no creeks, or bodies of water available so a good shower/bath to scrub all the dirt and grime from the dusty desert at the end of the day won't happen.  My father in-law has a nice little trailer equipped with bathroom, kitchen, sleeping quarter, and tiny living area.  It is perfect except that I don't think it gets vacuumed or scrubbed down often.  Thank goodness I am a bit of a clean freak and travel with wet wipes because I spent a good 15 minutes cleaning the bathroom and another 15 cleaning the kitchen before I felt at ease there.  All my discomfort I held in and I tried to make the best of it.  By the way, I did my cleaning when my father in law wasn't around, but it was obvious that I had cleaned. This year all those memories flashed thru my head and made me squirm.

There are fleets of mobile homes camping thru the grounds fully equipped and if I camped out that way in the desert I would be more willing to return.  There are also plenty of tents in between, but I just couldn't see me roughing it like that in the desert. There is running water in the trailer we camped in, but there was a mishap on the drive down last year. My father in-law was pulling the trailer and not even a hour from home he had a major blow out.  It was so bad that it tore a huge gash half the length of the trailer. Now most people would have gotten a quick fix and turned back home.  Not Harry; he got a quick fix and continued on the remaining 4 hours of his trip to the chili festival. The repercussions of the blow out turned out to be more than what was visible at the time and we all suffered ..

Have to and choose to.

It has been well established that it took me longer than the average person to find the one I would marry.  It is still a shock to me the reactions I get from people who find out it is my FIRST (and hopefully only) marriage!!  I get different looks, but recently I encountered one that made me feel like a "sell out". 

 I was shopping around for ideas of anniversary gifts for my husband that a woman asked how long I had been married.  When I told her how long and that it was my first, the woman gave me a "why bother" look.  As if I had gone thru the trouble of marrying while I have one foot in the grave or something.  A look as if to say "if you hadn't put up with a spouse, why would you want to NOW?"

 Over the years I have been looked upon with pity, the type a homely girl might get from people betting NO ONE would want her.  When I was single, I was told I was lucky, from obviously unhappy wives AND HUSBANDS who love to bitch and moan about their life but continue on staying in their relationships.  I was questioned beyond end by people "trying to help" find what was wrong with me that I had not been married even ONCE!

 I was praised by some who I am sure wondered if I was gay and just had not admitted it.  The only people who understood my not settling were close friends who have been divorced once, twice, even three times.  It wasn't that I didn't fall in love and had relationships; it was that I "stuck to my guns" (hey, I live in Texas) and did not allow time passing me by to push me to settle for less than what in my mind and my heart were non-negotiables.  We all have them, as petty as they may seem to others, and the older I got the more I realized I was happy not to deal with compromising.  The reality was that I just hadn't found the one I would compromise some things for. 

I have heard people vent over little things that they put up from their spouse, and always I have half heard their complaints and mostly half focused on the words they use, "put up".  Immediately my mind goes to thinking, you don't HAVE TO put up  with it.  You choose to, and it isn't putting up its accepting  your partner as is!  Mostly BECAUSE OUR PARTNERS DO US THE SAME COURTESY! 

My husband accepts the fact that more times than not I leave half-empty cans of soda. I open one and walk around the house with it enjoying it.  Most of the time I forget I put it down some place and he usually bumps in to it.  Hey, I like to enjoy my drinks and not just gulp them down on the spot!  I think he has chosen to make a game out of it  and "catch me" on it than to go crazy over it.

My epiphany on free will came to me when I heard my best friend arguing with her ex (after their divorce). "I don't HAVE TO do nothing but breathe and die!!" Then she chose to hang up the phone!

In a world where it's easier to relate to one another in misery and most likely cause envy if you are happy, we shouldn't be hesitant to count our blessings.  Take a minute to reflect on the many little ways we have felt loved and accepted by our partners.  What is the most ridiculous quirk you know drives your significant other insane and you just can't help??  Remember it next time you are about to start nagging/moaning over something about them and let it slide.  You don't have to get irritated and can choose to just smirk.

Dia de los Muertos/New tradition in our household

One of my early memories is of the first time I ever stepped foot in a cemetery.  My paternal grandparents took me to one in Mexico City, and I hate not having either one around now to ask whose grave we visited but the colorful memory was implanted and still now very vivid.

I must have been three or four years old and what I recall is crowds of people trying to find parking as if to attend a concert.  Flower vendors with carts full of bright colored flowers and people hauling boxes, bags or some type of containers full of what to me looked like toys because of the eye catching colors. What was going on? Where were they going?  I felt confused and yet at ease in the company of my grandparents.

I have assumed with out giving it much value that we were there to celebrate Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead).  A Mexican "holiday" in which those who have passed are remembered.  It is customary to visit the graves of those dear to us who have passed and decorate their graves with candles, flowers, and other things. It is also a custom to find a space in one's home to set up some type of (for lack of a better word) ALTAR.  The altar consists of photographs of those who have passed, sugar skulls with colorful decorations, artful skeletons depicting the profession of those dear being remembered, and a few of their favorites things, the most popular of them being some type of liquor.

Now my immediate family never quite practiced this "custom".  Before my father's death (when I was age nine) the whole DEATH or DYING was never something I gave much thought to.  Sure I had had a pet die by that age, but up to then those pets (hamsters, fish, and birds) weren't around long enough to be just but a novelty. 



My father (1979)

After my father's passing for us the day of the dead was September 2nd which is the date my father died.  We silently mourned for weeks before and after like most people who have lost a loved one.  It wasn't until my late 20s that I stopped mourning with such sadness and chose to celebrate the memories I still held of my father.

Again, the celebration was made in early September and not November 2nd when the "holiday" is celebrated . It usually consisted of having a drink in my fathers honor on every anniversary, but some times the toast just grew in to a reason to drink and I had to stop that tradition.  It was after the passing of my Great-uncle "Pepe" that death hit close to me again.  I had lost both of my paternal grandparents within a couple of years of my father but living in a different country and not being near to attend the funeral or be around for those first months most tend to visit a grave site made me feel removed from the sorrow I felt with my father. 

Anyways, soon after my Great-uncle passed other family members soon followed.  The Dia de los Muertos custom has recently been something I have wanted to participate in.  Perhaps it's because I am middle aged now that remembering my loved ones may be my way of hoping someday others will remember me. It has been a reason to dig up old pictures and introduce my husband to those that have meant so much to me and am sorry they never got to see me married.  They would certainly approve of my husband, and I am grateful he is willing to listen to stories of who these loved ones were.

This year I didn't drag my feet.  I have my little altar set up and from now until November 2nd I plan to tend to it by adding more items and taking the time to remember what these loved ones who departed thought me and how they shaped my life.

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it"

My husband is oblivious to home maintenance.  I don't mean the kind where you bust out the tools and fix something that is falling apart.  I mean regular up keep of a "home".  Washing rugs, painting walls, redecorating a room.  I've been pestering him about painting the inside of our home, but it doesn't register.  He asks what color and I can see him bracing himself for whatever comes out of my mouth. I am willing to keep it the same color just as long as we spruce up the place. Perhaps he is afraid of living through a scene similar to the movie "Fools Rush In" in which Mathew Perry comes home to find his new Latina wife Salma Hayek has had her family paint the entire house in bright colors. (In case you have not noticed I make a lot of movie references!)

Anyway today I replaced the shower curtain in the guest bathroom.  I have no one else at home to comment on or ask an opinion of it so without thinking twice about it I asked my husband to take a look.  Proud of myself having found a "designer" curtain at a bargain price of 65%. off I was awaiting approval.  I got a "very nice", but what followed made me want to bang my head against the wall regretting asking his opinion.

He said.. "May I ask a question?" to which I nodded.  He then asked "What was wrong with the curtain you replaced?".   As a female the question was just insulting!  I answered "because the other curtain (one of two which I rotate every few months) I have had for about eight years and I am just sick and tired of looking at it!". I know my verbal lash out may seem rude, but HE KNEW I had purchased the curtain a few weeks ago.  I came home exited of my find and justified my spending.  No, I did not justify because of him but because I am very frugal and NEED to justify it to myself!!  Why was he asking such a question??

Now I am NOT the dreaded stereo type of a wife that spends "his money" going on shopping sprees.  I am more than frugal, always looking for a deal and like the average responsible adult trying never to make purchases before meeting all my financial responsibilities. 

In all honesty, some of the curtains I've replaced over the last few years have ended up at my mom's or even my grandmother's home. They have been in perfect condition I've just been in need for something different. In the same spirit of letting someone else enjoy something out grown or tired of I have brought home from mom's floor mats, throw pillows and other things.

I have to admit that my husband has never had to tell me to curb my spending, but I guess having had the only say so on money spent and purchases made for so long I might have gotten a bit irritated by his question.

His was a perfectly legitimate question, but it makes me believe he doesn't know the meaning of "making a home".   In his old apartment he had a clear shower curtain, what I call a shower liner.  It was functional and that was about it.  In what I call a home, there is an actual decorative curtain on top of the liner.  There are floor mats, at least one decorative thing on the wall and pump dispensing soap as opposed to one giant bar of soap that travels back and forward from shower to sink!

I love my husband, but some times I wonder if he was raised by wolves!  I know I am a little dramatic here because his parents are lovely people, but the man HAD BEEN married before!  I would think he would be used to a little redecorating. 

Perhaps it's because for the last couple of years we've been living very frugal making sure we put a dent on student loans and having lived on "saving mode" to pay for our wedding that he hasn't seen too much redecorating.  

I will have to brace myself for more comments, because there is a minor overhaul coming before we host Thanksgiving dinner this year.  Honey.. hold on to something!